Fear, Loneliness & Suffering


My thoughts are not clear
Shall I disappear, I fear

Nothing feels dear, here
Shall I disappear, I fear

Do I have any memorable souvenir, here
Shall I disappear, I fear

Don’t come here, near
I might die, I fear

I might act phony
but inside I am lonely

You think all I care about is money
No, No, all I want is to be stony

Everything that makes me laugh is not funny
Just suffocate me with a gunny

All you see is my laughter
There is no easy way to show how I suffer

My mind is like sulfur
All you need is a match to make me suffer

I feel like a duffer
Don’t I deserve something better

I now know I will take that spear
Kill each and every smear that appear

I now know my life will be sunny
no matter how many phonies try to be funny

It’s all in my mind, brother
To be tougher or to suffer
and hey, I choose the former!


An introduction to Dr. Kesava Reddy and Sudha Murthy

After so many unsuccessful attempts finally, I have developed the habit to read a book daily at the least 10 pages. I guess reading books is one habit which will be difficult to acquaint with but trust me it will be very hard to let it go once you are hooked into it. This is coming from someone who gets bored easily, who is very lazy to hold a book and who depends more on visual explanation of most of the things. I spend most of my time in front of the computer, so I was unable to get the initial kick start. Thanks to the Vardah cyclone which hit Chennai in December, 2016 there was no power in the house for more than 2 days and I had nothing to do apart from helping my wife in household chores. Then I started reading Shantaram by David Gregory Roberts and man I was hooked. But somehow because of the size of the book and slow narration and my eagerness towards what will happen next made the read a pain. So abruptly I stopped reading and took a lighter book Connect the dots by Rashmi Bansal which is completely different. I have always been a good reader of Entrepreneurial stories and that made me read this book to the end. I made it a routine to read the book while I travel in the cab to office. In that way I can pass the time which I was wasting previously looking at the traffic and cursing.

athadu-adavini-jayinchaduThen I picked up a Telugu novel named “Athadu Adavini Jayinchadu” (He Conquered the Jungle) by Dr. Kesava Reddy. The main reason to start the book was it’s size. It was hardly a 100 page book with my mother tongue so it became even more easier to read. I had always a kind of complex towards Telugu books and was always under the impression the writers lacked an outlook and are more focused on stupid erotic stories or personality development even though I am aware of great writers like Sri Sri and all. But this book has brought quite a difference in my perception towards Telugu literature. I didn’t know who Kesava Reddy was before but now I look upto him. The book has a very simple plot about an old man who shepherds pigs for a living. One fine day he loses his valuable pig (wild) which is pregnant. The rest of the story is about his journey into the forest searching for the pig and whether he achieves what he wants or not. Kesava Reddy tells a lot of philosophy very cleverly in that thin plot and from the view point of an uneducated old man who has developed a kind of intellect from his past experiences. The whole plot happens in one night in the forest and at the end of the book you will be very close to the old man and feel every bit of what he went through. I am very fortunate to find this book as it not only changed my perception towards Telugu literature but also towards life how the same thing can mean in two different ways because of the situations. On the whole it was a great book one cannot afford to miss. I am looking forward to read more of Kesava Reddy’s novels. They are short, simple and straight to the point with no nonsense.

The second author I got acquainted with is Sudha Murthy. I know her as wife of Narayana Murthy, founder of Infosys. I never knew she was a writer until recently. Again I had very low expectations from her as I read she deals mostly about feminist subjects. I picked up “Dollar Bahu”. It was a very small book with simple writing and was very easy to read. That doesn’t restrict Mrs. Murthy’s writing capabilities. The story is a very generic one that happens in a lot of Indian middle class families but the way Mrs. Murthy narrated the whole conflict between the characters especially Gouriamma, the mother in law of “Dollar Bahu” is quite gripping. The book presents so many realistic situations how money cannot buy you happiness and also characters who are stuck in the money without happiness but are unable to come out of it.mahashweta The story makes a good plot for a TV serial with all the drama that happens in the lives of these characters. Later I read that it has been made into a serial. After “Dollar Bahu”, I picked up one of her other novels “Mahashwetha” which deals with the concept of Beauty. This book presents so many real life situations and conflicts between characters who value materialistic things like money, beauty etc and the lead character “Anupama” who is quite the opposite. The story is about the struggle of Anupama being an outcast in the society and whether she can make it big in the patriarchal society where men are treated as achievers and women as wives of those men without giving value to their individuality. It is about human being’s perception of real beauty. Mrs. Murthy provides a fantastic narration about this in the last chapter in the form of dialogue from Anupama. Finally, the climax is even more beautiful as how she ends the story on the lines of “Mahashwetha” play with a tragedy that justifies the plot.

I will continue to read both Dr. Kesava Reddy’s and Mrs. Sudha Murthy’s novels whenever I get hold of them and will keep my habit of reading going.



Suicide for a Human cause!

Extreme actions never bring peace and balance in the world, especially a world filled with Human beings!

What is the base of Law?

Human beings have the audacity to dissect any kind of event may it be death or a disaster, part by part and come to the conclusion of their choice! This might sound logical and the right thing to do. This will only be valid when the person who is dissecting makes himself devoid of all the emotions, prejudices and comes to the conclusion. This is more or less the base of Law in any country to analyze a crime or situation to come to a conclusion.

What about the People or a group’s judgmental capabilities?

But when it comes down to a generic individual or a group, choices doesn’t follow pure logic, they get contaminated by prejudices, experiences and emotions. So the conclusion the individual or group comes to will be the one which satisfies their ego. This is one of the greatest drawbacks of the human race. An average individual may live for 60 years experiencing different things in their surroundings and with each incident the person, the prejudices keeps piling up skewing their decision making process all along which gets compounded as the person ages. This is the reason why a person becomes more fussy or whimsical in his/her old age.

How are we different from animals?

Any animal in the world dies only due to accident/hunting or disease or human abuse. Only human beings are capable of creating a death that can be motivated by N number of reasons because I am not sure of other species which commits suicide. Human beings can commit suicide because of the mental condition at that point of time which has been the result of so many factors that happen around us.

So, are other species happier than human beings in a way? 

May be! May not be! Who knows how a dog feels when his/her owner dies? May be the dog also don’t want to live without the owner but may not be intellectually capable to conceive the idea of suicide.

Are the ideologies behind suicide and a death penalty same?

Death penalty is granted so that no other human being will do such heinous crime in future. Suicides are committed so that no such discrimination will be applied in future to other people. So ultimately they both have the same purpose, creating an order. Isn’t it?

Why are we more moved by suicides?

If you take a death penalty or suicide the common thing is death. We are scared of death. Because we are scared of it, when someone volunteers for it, we are just blown away by the sheer force behind that decision. Do we feel the same impact when a death penalty is given? May be not! Even though the purpose that is being served by both of them may be same but the voluntary nature is such an impact on us.

Understanding the concept of Death

Why is there so much impact on us when something terrible happens? What do we mean by terrible? All we can think of is Death. Why are we so scared? Simple, we don’t understand Death. Since we don’t understand what happens during or after we die, we come up with so many theories which resulted eventually in religions, caste and so many other stupid by products.

Irony just died an ironic death

The fanatics who kill others on the name of religion and caste do it because their god/religion promises heaven after they die. So getting a better life after death, you should grant death to others!

Do you really need to fight for others?

One question keeps troubling me again and again is about the struggle some people go through to fight for certain causes. Is it worth to fight for these hopeless and selfish species who does nothing but spread like a virus and spread the poison along with them. I may sound pessimist.

Millions of years ago, a random incident caused life to form on earth and thousands of years of evolution led to a species which can think rationally and have conversation. Instead of thinking rationally and having a conversation we are indulged more on irrationality and violence over things which we have created out of thin air.

Let’s respect the dead and hope we move towards a more rational and progressive civilization.


I am 25 years old but I am still just a second old

As the clock turned 12, I completed 25 years on the Planet Earth. The day started usually with the cake cutting and calls from different people wishing me and me thanking them. Somewhere in between them wishing me and me thanking them, there was another me started thinking what are these people doing? So I started answering me, Dude these people don’t even know that there are people like us exist inside this Ram Manohar guy and they don’t know that both of them are just tiny parts like us. Just because they have flesh and talk doesn’t mean they are superior and forget us.

I dozed off. Meanwhile while I was sleeping, I was working in office cutting the cake brought by team mates and started walking in the hot sun. Suddenly I got up seeing myself walking in the hot sun and slept again. I continued walking and had my food, returned to my place and slept off. I started working again on and on that I was not able to wake up at all. I got frustrated in the sleep and woke up to find myself doing all sorts of non sense.

I started thinking about today and realized that I have completed 25 years. What does it mean? I thought and I understood that I have completed 25 years on this planet. What if I was born in another planet where life is supported which is far away from the Sun? I might have completed 10 years.So if I am even far I might have just completed a day or a second. But this is absurd! I thought again. I understood the concept of time and how our dates are so irrelevant. The amount of time I spend on earth is same as the amount of time I will spend on another planet. So logically speaking that one second on that planet is same as the 25 years I spent here. So what’s the whole point of birthday in this? I don’t get it. It just doesn’t fit anywhere.

Once we are born time just moves forward, it doesn’t repeat. There is no guarantee that today is same as the day we were born. It’s just all random non sense. Finally after realizing this I completely woke up from the deep sleep and found myself still sleeping 🙂


Dear God, Please give some brains to my fellow Telugu people!

ME: Dear God, I’m very much frustrated about my fellow people’s ignorance and in fact I’m surprised how ignorance can spread like a virus within hours among a large group of people. And I need answers to some of the questions raised by my dumb brain. So please go through the list and answer me!

GOD: Okay, My Boy!

ME: There is a video making rounds on Facebook (GOD: meh? What is Facebook? ME: A book which we spend most of the time on) made by some one who supports Samaikyandhra (GOD: meh? ME: Don’t get panicked it’s a regional movement :P). This is the link to that video https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=351294185016671

ME: I’m neither a supporter of this Telangana movement nor Samaikyandhra movement.

GOD: You said you will only talk about Samaikyandhra?

ME: Yeah! Wait

ME: I want to know from you that, Can someone make a 5 minute video on a big issue without research? Can someone make a 5 minute video with pure exaggeration just for their own benefit?

GOD: 1 moment. I am looking at the manual of Human Being. Yeah son, you Human Beings are capable of that 😛

ME: Yes, God we can do it along with high dosage of our Ignorance. My God! I myself am very poor at Politics and Economy and I can’t find a logic in what this person is saying. How come there are 13,000+ shares within hours? Did you give up on us already?

GOD: Tell me more Son!

ME: These are some of the mindblowing (as described by people in comments) facts: 

1. 70% of revenue is from Telangana and 30% from Seemandhra.

ME: I was under the impression that AP was formed based on language but not on the basis of Revenue. So, let me understand this correctly, so Samaikyandhra movement is for Telugu Unity or More Money Security?

GOD: This guy whoever has created this video looks interesting 😛

2. Debts will be divided based on population.

ME: Here comes our next Raghu Ram Rajan.

GOD: meh? Who is this Raghu Ram Rajan? So many gods are there in his name.

ME: Oh God, come on you don’t know him? He is the sexiest RBI governor we ever had. 

ME: Okay, If debts are divided based on population then we should get funds proportionately right? 

3. Fees Schemes, Arogyasri, Pensions and all will be stopped.

ME: I am very bad at economics and politics. Oh God, Can you explain the logic behind this? 

GOD: Look son! Gods doesn’t work on Logic. Move on!

4. Private sector employment (IT, Movie industry, Phama) will get affected.

ME: Another joke. How will the employment in private industries get affected by a state division? Enlighten me, my Lord.

GOD: meh? Private sector?

ME: Leave it!

5. Students will be deprived of seats in IITs, IIITs, NITs.

ME: Okay, this one I was literally ROFLing.

GOD: meh?

ME: ROFL – Rolling on the Floor Laughing.

ME: I thought IITs allow students through JEE. This guy opened my eyes that we need to be that state’s resident to get into IITs and IIITs. Thank God he didn’t include BITS.

GOD: meh? What is this BITS?

ME: It’s a big college God, bigger than MIT and Harvard. Now, don’t ask me about MIT and Harvard.

ME: Okay I will accept the quota in NITs for that state, which is 50% which would be around 370 seats each year. If these 370 guys dont get seats in NIT warangal, they have a lot of options in good NITs in other parts of the country, so the world doesn’t stop with this. Surprisingly he missed out Local engineering colleges, which has this Local and Non Local thing from long time. This doesn’t affect much even if the state is divided. Sorry I only know about Engineering, I can’t talk about other guys. Will you talk about other guys God?


ME: Basically, this is an exaggeration and an useless point.

GOD: Oh, great! So this is not part of your questions right!

6. RTC will get affected.

ME: So, RTC is a govt organization with more assets in Hyderabad as this guy says. So are the politicians so dumb that when dividing two states they make a big govt company go down. Infact all these stupid agitations are causing more problems to RTC and making them suffer.

GOD: AHH! Politicians!! Son, they are capable of anything but this much of dumbness is not even allowed in my world!

7. Agricultural industry will be affected.

ME: This again. How will new state affects seeds and other stuff?

GOD: We only drink Amrutham. I’m not aware of this Agriculture.

8. Water division

ME: Yes, I agree with him. There will be a dispute on Water division, but Godavari districts will become deserts after division whoa! This guy needs to visit telangana seriously. If he knows or not, major part of Krishna and Godavari passes through Telangana. So by logic who should get more water? Who are getting more water now?

GOD: Son, what is the problem with you people?

ME: I Know!

ME: And these are some of the facts on top of my mind,

The shipyard in Vizag is in Andhra, Krishnapatnam port in Nellore is in Andhra and Machilipatnam port is in Andhra. Isn’t it?

The entire Golden Quadrilateral runs through Coastal Andhra.

Go check Coast Andhra Railways map and Telangana, Rayalaseema Railways map.

GOD: Son, a little respect is needed!

ME: My God! I’m sorry. Infact you are present (TIRUMALA) in Rayalaseema.

ME: And when a new state is being formed huge investments will be happening, new capital will be developed, new jobs will be created. And do you really think people will lose their Govt jobs?

ME: WTH is with Vandemataram background music in the video anyway?? That guy could have used Ma Telugu thalliki mallepoodhanda 

GOD: Son, be in your limits. You are talking about Telugu people and talking to me in English. You are a hypocrite.

ME: Sorry Lord, I din’t know that you knew Telugu.

GOD: Of course!

ME: So God, I am praying you.. Please give some brains to my fellow Telugu people who are showcasing their Ignorance. Please dont neglect them 😥 Please don’t give up on us!